Here we are in a special place
what are you gonna do here?
now we stand in a special place
what will you do here?
What show of soul
are we gonna get from you?
It could be Deliverance
or History
under these skies so blue,
but if I know you, you’ll
bang the drum
like monkeys do.

Now we stand on a rocky shore
your father stood here before you.
I can see his ghost explore you.
I can feel the sea implore you
not to pass on by,
not to walk on by and not to try
- just to let it come
don’t bang the drum
just let it come
don’t bang the drum
do you know how to let it come now?
don’t bang the drum now
just let it come now
don’t bang the drum now
don’t bang the drum

— “Don’t Bang the Drum” by The Waterboys. Words and lyrics by Mike Scott and Karl Wallinger, 1985

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A Prayer for the G20 Summit

Ben says it’s just the first of many planned giveaway events, since the Foundation’s goal is to give away 1,000 computers by the end of 2008. Bravo, Ben, and Go Little Geeks! It’s only a little sad that the computers are running Microsoft Windows.

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Go Little Geeks!

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CaseCamp Toronto 7

P.S. One of my favourite things about the game so far is the extensive use of Esperanto, the “world language” that hardly anyone speaks. It’s tied into the hopeless optimism of the Olympic movement, and that gets me all choked up, but it’s also supremely geeky.

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Find the Lost Ring

I didn’t attend a lot of panels, or take a lot of photos or notes, so I thought I’d just give you a list of highlights and lowlights:

Highlights

• My panel was great. It was a pleasure and a privilege to meet some very sharp people who also happen to be warm and genuine about their faith. I’m really hopeful that I can be involved in something like it again next year.
• Sticking around a few days was a great idea. Although I didn’t buy a Music badge, there were heaps of free day shows. I got to see The Buzzocks(!), The Polyphonic Spree, Apples in Stereo, Peter Bjorn and John, Robyn Hitchcock with Peter Buck and Okkervil River. There was even free food and beer.
• During one of the parties during Interactive, I was chatting with my friends Kevin and Baratunde when we were joined by a personable young guy talking about films. He introduced himself as Joe and said he was acting in a film that was at the Film festival. During our 40 minute conversation, it dawned on me that we were hanging out with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, star of The Lookout. He turned out to be a great guy, smart and interesting but completely unpretentious.
• As a panelist, I got a complimentary Gold badge which allowed me to attend both Interactive and Film events. I took the opportunity to see a few films (Reign Over Me, Exiled, and Eagle Versus Shark) and this was a great break from the intensity of hanging around with smart geeks or rocking out at concerts.
• The panels and keynotes I did attend were almost all interesting and valuable.
• I focussed more on my writing about film and made a number of useful contacts. My decision to launch Toronto Screen Shots was based on attending a great panel called “Blogging About Film.”

Lowlights

• The weather in Austin this year was kind of crappy. It rained for several days, which made getting around fairly miserable.
• Hotels were expensive and filled up really early. Despite sharing with my friends Neil and Kevin, which involved spending five of my eight nights on either an air mattress or a rollaway bed, it still cost me more than US$1,000. I’m going to book my room by July or August next time.
• Almost everyone I know had some travel snafus on the way home. I wasn’t immune. I flew back Saturday from Austin to Detroit without incident, but my flight from Detroit to Toronto was cancelled for “unscheduled maintenance.” Despite the fact that it’s a one hour flight, there were no flights available until Monday or Tuesday, and the airline would only pay for one night’s accomodation. I banded together with a few other Torontonians and we took a taxi across the border to Windsor and jumped on the train. I got home about seven hours late, and it cost me more money, but there was no way I was staying two days in Detroit, especially at my own expense. Boo airlines!
• As always, the week went by far too quickly and I didn’t get to spend nearly enough time with people. There were a few people whom I’d wanted to meet for the first time, and didn’t get the chance. Ah well, I’ll be back next year!

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SXSW 2007 Wrapup

Ok, this entry is really just for those folks who are sitting in the Austin Convention Center Room 9C between 5:00 and 6:00pm Central Standard Time today. Welcome! I hope you’ll enjoy our panel “Ghost In The Machine: Spirituality On The Web.” I hope you’ll leave me a comment with some feedback on the panel. I hope we can do this again next year, and I know we’ll learn a lot. I want to thank Hussein, Rachel, Kevin and Gordon for agreeing to be the “smart guys” on the panel and am so glad to have finally met them in person.

And oh yeah, if you’re wondering about why I’m moderating a panel on spirituality, you might want to look here and maybe here.

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Welcome To Our Panel

p.s. Pinball Arsonists is my wife’s smart-aleck name for the band. She’s funny.

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Pinball Arsonists Tickets Secured

Every year I’ve attended SXSW, I’ve put together a compilation CD to give away to people I know, and this year is no different. The playlist is finalized, the liner notes are almost complete, and I’ve started burning the discs, but I’d like to know how many to burn. I usually give away about 30 each year, but if you’re coming to Austin, and haven’t received one before, and would like one, please comment.

I won’t be leaking the playlist, but if you like Chinese reggae, Uruguayan punk, or Bollywood novelty songs, you should be happy with this year’s disc.

March 8, 2007: I’ve now posted the playlist for all those who are curious.

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Compilation Champs 2007

1. This year, for the first time ever, I’m speaking on a panel. Not seeing anything on the schedule about the subject, I proposed a panel on faith, and it was accepted. It’s entitled Ghost in the Machine: Spirituality Online and it’s scheduled for Saturday March 10 from 5:00-6:00. I’ve assembled a panel of rock stars who will say most of the intelligent things, but I’m still nervous and excited.
2. As a panelist, I received a free Gold pass this year, which means for the first time I can attend both Interactive and Film events. I’m still unclear how ticketing to film screenings works, but I’m hoping to actually see a few films this time. A few of the scheduled films recently screened at Sundance, so it might be a good chance to see some stuff that won’t make it to Toronto until at least the fall, if at all.
3. The Interactive section of the conference ends on Tuesday, but I’m not leaving Austin until Saturday morning, so I’m hoping to catch a few bands during the Music portion, and just generally hang out in one of my favourite American cities with some of my favourite Americans.

If you’re going to be there, make sure you say hello! And it’s also acceptable to buy me a Shiner. After all, I’m a crusty conference veteran now!

P.S. Make sure to check out SXSWBaby for the latest news and updates.

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7th Annual Pre-SXSW Post

Ok, this definitely has me intrigued. A two-week live action puzzle hunting alternate reality game where I get to discover my city? I’m all over it. Even if it is wedged right in between the Toronto International Film Festival and our long-awaited trip to Slovenia. Thanks, Boingboing and Blog.TO!

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Waking City

About 200 other people have made panel proposals, too. Which is where you come in. Check out the handy-dandy Panel Picker and nominate the ten best ideas. It’s ok if you don’t think mine is one of them. But if you’re intrigued, and are going to be there (hey, even if you’re not going to be there), do me a favour and throw me a vote. My proposal is under the “Community” and “Miscellaneous” categories, and is entitled “Ghost in the Machine: Spirituality Online.”

Your input on the panel is welcome as well.

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Pick Me!

My favourite quote from the page: “If soccer is your source of happiness, then your life can go up and down.”

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Who Has God On Their Side?

But before I post my depressing screed, I will say that I managed to have a pretty good time nonetheless. It’s just too bad that I only get to see some of these amazing people just once a year. For evidence of my merrymaking, check out my photos on Flickr. I’ve posted my photos from 2001 and 2002 on there as well. Ah, nostalgia!

Read on if you dare…

SXSW 2006: Blog Bubble Bursts

I’m not quite sure how to preface my remarks about SXSW this year. I certainly didn’t start out writing something so negative. As always, I had a great time, but there was a vague sense of disappointment in the air this year among my friends. Although blogging has been growing for a few years now, this was the year I felt it fully entered the mainstream. Just as Toyota Prius owners no longer honk at each other, or iPod owners no longer nod at strangers with the same white earbuds, bloggers no longer seem connected just by virtue of being bloggers, and this saddens me.

SXSW 2000 has been described as the bloggers’ “coming out party” and since I started attending in 2001, it’s always felt like a blogger’s conference more than anything else. I loved that at Break Bread with Brad, everyone wore badges with their URL on them. Not what they did, or how much money they made, or even where they lived. I loved the egalitarian spirit of that. Even though a mythical “A-List” soon appeared, along with a backlash, that seemed more like a junior-high expression of cliquishness and jealousy than a serious social disruption. But of course, money changes everything, and SXSW is no different.

It’s strange. Some of the internet nerds I met five years ago are now running technology companies, some are millionaires. And I’m pretty much the same person I was then. It seems like it’s become necessary again to ask someone what they do, or where they work, as if that were more important than who they were.

We’ve stratified to the point where the web designers and the bloggers and the user experience designers and the technologists and the journalists and the venture capitalists don’t even know who each other are. The designers come to discuss design with other designers, the technologists come to present panels and then party with the other technologists. A few years ago, people primarily identified themselves as bloggers, and their jobs came next. I’m not sure if anyone else felt strange that one of the keynotes this year featured two famous bloggers, who were trying to make it their occupation.

All the talk this year was about the new Internet bubble. There was lots of free beer and a closing night party that featured music so loud that no one could talk to each other. There were lots of panels that featured titles like “Does Your Blog Have A Business?” and “How to Blog for Money by Learning from Comics” and “Sink or Swim: The Five Most Important Startup Decisions”. In fact, I haven’t heard the term “monetizing” for many years, but it poppped up again and again this year.

Before the conference, I decided to upload my photos from my first year to Flickr. After I came home, I compared them to my 2006 photos and there is a definite difference. I’m now in the process of uploading photos from other years and I find it amazing that just a few years ago, in the lobby bar of the Omni Hotel, you could find a group of about 30 people who were behind some of the most interesting web sites around. Now many of them are too busy working at their internet companies to attend, or if they do come, are busy with other “business” people or preparing for their panels on monetizing the blogosphere with Ajax or some other Web 2.0 twaddle.

I’m not opposed to advances in technology in themselves. It’s just that I think we’ve lost quite a bit of the spirit that made the original emergence of weblogs so exhilarating. In many ways it was unavoidable, and I’m sure that I sound like a typical crank, longing for the old days. But it hurts me on a personal level when some of the people in my photos from 2001 or 2002 don’t even acknowledge me anymore.

I was joking before the conference that I found many of the web designers in attendance intimidating. They weren’t much of a presence in 2001, and I definitely began attending the conference as what I described as a “scruffy blogger” rather than as an internet professional. The people I still hang around with most would probably fit that description as well, although many are brilliant writers, journalists, web designers or technologists. Back then, though, self-applying the label “blogger” to oneself was enough to gather a similar crowd of early adopters around. I used to proudly claim that I’d found my “tribe,” but this year, for the first time, I felt in danger of losing it.

No doubt, I’ll be back in 2007, but a few of us have begun discussing some of these disturbing changes and what we can do about them. If anything, there will be even more people there next year, and by most measures, this would be considered success: for SXSW, for the internet businesses, even for blogging. And many of the effects I’m describing are the natural outcomes of that success, and are probably unavoidable. But I’m not ready to give up something I love this much, and I’m curious to see if anyone else felt the same way as I did about this year’s conference. David Pescovitz of BoingBoing quoted Timothy Leary at the Bloggies this year, concerning feeling like an outsider: “Find the others.” Others, are you out there?

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SXSW 2006: Blog Bubble Bursts

James Invites You! (image by Kristin)

I can’t believe how fast SXSW has crept up on me. In less than two weeks, I’ll be in sunny Austin for the sixth year in a row. I remember how excited I was back in the fall of 2000 when I had already decided to attend my first time. I blogged for months and months and Nikolai joked that he’d have to create a new Bloggie Award for “Most Blogging About SXSW”. I’m older and more jaded now, not the hot up-and-comer that I was back in the pioneer days, but I’m still crazy excited to be going. Meeting up with old friends and making new ones, staying out very very late and talking geek talk. It’s going to be a much-needed shot of warmth, both meteorological and sociological. For a second year, I’ll be rooming with my buddy Neil Lee, even though he told me I snored last year.

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SXSW #6

I’ve also started posting some photos to Flickr. Try searching for the tag “sxsw05” or looking for the name “jmcnally“. I’ll put some more up as I have time.

To everyone I met or re-met at this year’s conference, a big shout-out! Thank you for making me laugh and making me think, in almost equal measure.

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Sleep-Deprived and Smiling

If you’re looking for my always-clever liner notes, here they are.

By the way, David Nunez has just posted a fantastic thing called “the unofficial geek guide to getting over yourself at sxsw 2005 interactive.” Bravo, David. I’ll be looking for you. Though I’m an old hand now, I remember feeling very awkward my first time. There have been a few “first day of high school” moments each year, but thankfully, I know now how to get out of my own way. David’s got a great idea for doing just that.

And just for fun, my impressions of past SXSWs:

• 2004
• 2003 (and here)
• 2002 (and here)
• 2001 (and here)

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Off to Austin Again

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Let’s Talk About SXSW, Baby!

We’re also signed up for the Pride and Remembrance Run for the second year. This was probably our most enjoyable race experience of the past year. Even though I had a pretty horrible run, the post-race food and family atmosphere made it a highlight. The race is held in support of different charities each year, and this year funds are being raised for the 519 Church Street Community Centre and the Fife House, which provides supportive housing for people living with HIV/AIDS. You may sponsor me by clicking on the nifty graphic over there on the right.

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Running: Year 2

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Thirty-Nine

• Macworld — In a word, underwhelming. No consumer hardware news except the silly iPod mini, which is insanely overpriced. When Steve Jobs said, comparing it to a US$199 Flash-based player, that the US$249 iPod mini was “the best $50 you’ll ever spend,” I think what he meant was, spend another US$50 and get more than three times the capacity. For US$299, get the 15GB iPod. If these had been US$149, they would have sold a ton. In a year, they will be, and it will probably be too late.
• The Beginning of SXSW Frenzy — I’ve already started my planning. From March 11-17, I will be in Austin, drinking and talking geek talk. Thanks to the stronger Canadian dollar, the $14 margarita I “enjoyed” last year can now be had for closer to $12. Let the good times roll!

In other news, just before the new year officially began, I quietly threw the switch and the web site for Lifford Wine Agency roared (groaned?) into life. Of course, after looking at it for close to six months, I’m sick of it. And already working on version 2.0. Or at least 1.1. Time to learn PHP/mySQL, I think. And some design skills…

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January

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Eckler Watch, Continued

UPDATE: Significant things have happened already:

• Six Apart, the makers of Movable Type, have announced a new turnkey weblog service called TypePad, the acquisition of some venture financing, and the hiring of my Close Personal Friend™ Anil Dash as Vice President of Business Development.
• Mitch Kapor‘s Open Software Applications Foundation released the 0.1 Alpha of Chandler, their open source PIM.

Cory Doctorow over at BoingBoing is doing a great job of blogging from the conference. I’ll be reading his notes and so should you.

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I Didn’t Go To The Prom

Brooke took me to see the Canadian Stage production of Stephen Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. I’m definitely not a musicals guy, and this is about as Broadway as a musical can be. The story tells the tale of a murderous barber, the pie-making woman who loves him, and the novel way in which they dispose of the bodies. While I enjoyed a few of the numbers, namely the ones played for laughs (The Contest, A Little Priest), overall I found the music grating. As with most musicals, I found the “love story” terribly contrived, and the second act was insanely rushed. I missed a huge portion of the lyrics since many of the songs had several people singing over each other. The singers’ attempts to affect Cockney accents surely didn’t help my comprehension much, either. I’m not sure if I’ll ever “get” musicals. Do you?

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Sweeney Todd

I’m wondering if anyone is considering going. The only way I’d be able to afford this is to go on a press pass, write some articles to pay for my flight, and sleep on somebody’s floor. Ideas?

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Emerging Technology Conference

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Scenes from SxSW: Bathtub Gin

I come home tomorrow.

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So Far I Have…

The weather is gorgeous, sunny, maybe about 70°F. I forgot sunscreen and just had to go out and get some. Tonight is Break Bread With Brad, one of my favourite events. It’s a perfect icebreaker and a chance to catch up with old friends and make new ones.

I spent last night with the amazing Browns. They manage to juggle two energetic boys, a crazy dog, and a cat, and still make room for little old me.

Gotta go now. I’m being IM’ed!

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Greetings From The Hampton Inn

Another highlight of the mixed programme was The Judgement of Paris, a twist on the classic Greek tale where Paris must judge the beauty of the three goddesses Juno, Venus, and Minerva. Choreographer Antony Tudor has updated and turned the tale on its head, setting it in a sleazy “nightclub” to the music of Kurt Weill’s Threepenny Opera. A “customer” is choosing between three aging “dancers” who end up robbing him.

For more information, including our seat numbers, check out Brooke‘s site.

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1337 Syncopations

Happy Birthday, Baby!

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Birthday Girl

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.38 Special

Our God, heaven cannot hold him
nor earth sustain;
heaven and earth shall flee away
when he comes to reign:
in the bleak midwinter
a stable place sufficed
the Lord God incarnate,
Jesus Christ.

Angels and archangels
may have gathered there
cherubim and seraphim
thronged the air;
but his mother only,
in her maiden bliss,
worshiped the beloved
with a kiss.

What can I give him,
poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd,
I would bring a lamb;
if I were a wise man,
I would do my part;
yet what I can I give him
give my heart.

–Christina Rossetti, 1872

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Peace on Earth

Has anyone else noticed that Jish has been hanging around Toronto like a bad smell? Just kidding, Jish! Drinks with Jish, Part 3 on December 16 at Pauper’s Pub, 7:30pm. Be there!

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Belated Birthday Wishes

Today is World AIDS Day, and while AIDS in North America isn’t quite the epidemic we feared it would be, in other parts of the world, it’s having a devastating impact. AIDS is the leading cause of death in Africa, and it will get much worse before it gets better. Here are some links to stories about the real AIDS epidemic:

Staying Alive started in 1998 as a documentary series about young people living with HIV/AIDS. For the past few years, there have also been fundraising concerts, and this year, on November 23, a concert was held in Cape Town, South Africa. It will be broadcast today on MTV and features P.Diddy, Alicia Keys, Missy Elliott, Dave Matthews Band, and Michelle Branch.

The Joint UN Programme on HIV/AIDS

Aids & Africa has up-to-date news and statistics

Time’s Photo Essay on AIDS in Africa from 2001

CNN’s Special Coverage from 2000

The Village Voice’s Pulitzer Prize winning series on the AIDS crisis in Africa, from 1999

Some horrifying statistics:

• close to 30 million Africans are infected with HIV
• more than 3 million Africans died from AIDS in 2002
• More than 44% of pregnant women in urban Botswana are HIV+
• almost 3 million children under 15 are living with HIV/AIDS
• The rate of adult HIV infection is over 30% in four countries: Zimbabwe, Botswana, Lesotho, and Swaziland

What can you do?

The previously-mentioned Aids & Africa site has a great page here with a listing of many organizations that are engaged in fighting the epidemic in Africa. Many addresses, email addresses, phone numbers, and web sites are listed, allowing you to find information and make donations. Please take a minute to check it out.

Also, the excellent aidsmap site has an Africa-specific page of links here.

Just because Africa is far away is no reason not to care. The AIDS crisis is yet another hardship for a continent that is already suffering in many places from poverty, hunger, and war.

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Link and Think 2002

We got back from San Francisco on Sunday night. Lots to tell, but still catching up with regular life again. Stay tuned…

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Wed

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Wedding in Lausanne!

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You Are Invited (Sorta)

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An Apology of Sorts

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World Youth Day

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Happy Belated Birthday CC!

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Barenaked Lady Sighting

Proof that drunk minds think alike: Andre took a picture of himself in Bruce Sterling’s bathroom at this year’s SxSW. Your humble author did likewise. We’re both just wannabes.

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Famous Loo

Oh boy, lookie! They’re having an OS X conference which falls just before my wedding! Crap!

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Emerging Tech Conference

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SxSW Reflections

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Celebrity Sighting #2

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SxSW SURREALITY

One of my ongoing projects is to write a profile of Canadian web whirlwind Cory Doctorow, whom I’ve also met here. Well, Cory has set up his Airport base station here in the Convention Center, and in fact this is how I’m posting right now. He just walked by to tell me about it and Clive grabbed him and set up a breakfast meeting. So, it’s quite possible that I’m going to be scooped by Clive Thompson.

In other Canadian news, last night I met Nicci Scheid, who is the New Media Manager for Now magazine. And, GTABlogger Katherine Parrish is here, too, putting together a report for CBC Radio’s Definitely Not The Opera. Suddenly, I feel lazy and untalented…

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SxSW 2002

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Happy Birthday, Old Fart

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Birthday Choo-Choo Final Stop

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Birthday Choo-Choo Next Stop

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Birthday Train Rolls On

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I’m 37

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Geek Love

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All Aboard The Birthday Train

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Christmas Wishes

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SxSW Planning

1. Can you give us a little history about the AIDS Committee of Toronto?
How long it has been going?

The AIDS Committee of Toronto was founded in 1983 by the gay community
who felt that government and the health care system were not doing
enough to help people with AIDS. ACT started out to be an advocacy
organization. Today it continues to be a community-based organization
committed to advocacy, education and support for people infected and
affected by HIV/AIDS.

2. What sort of things does the AIDS Committee of Toronto do?

We continue to be a voice for those affected by HIV/AIDS when it comes
to government policies and health care issues. Education has become a
major focus with special programmes targeted at women and youth. Our
most recent campaign though has targeted men having sex with men since
there has been an alarming increase in the infection rate in this group.

ACT has one of the most impressive resource libraries in North America.
We also have several support groups for those who have been newly
diagnosed, men who are HIV+ and over 40, men who are HIV-, and those
that are positive but have partners that are negative.

One of our newest programs is Employment Action. This program assists
individuals who are HIV+, have been on disability and are now
considering re-entering the work force. With the new medications and
“cocktails,” those infected with HIV are now managing their health better
and are able to return to work. Employment Action assists with resumes,
interviewing skills, upgrading computer skills and arranging interviews.

For the rest of the interview, including Jim’s personal story, continue reading at Blog Widow.

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Link and Think

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George Harrison (1943-2001)

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Let the SxSW Blogging Begin!

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Canada Loves NY

And, bad James, I have been meaning to talk a bit about the GTABloggers group that is being put together by Rannie Turingan. I haven’t yet met Rannie, but I already like him. Our first group gathering is this Saturday night for, gasp, bowling. We’ll be doing the American-style bowling, not the sleeker Canadian version, but come on out. Email me for details.

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Ya Hala

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Fray Day 5 Photos

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Are you going?

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Fray Day Toronto is a Bust

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Fray Day 5

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Happy Independence Day

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Happy Canada Day!

Happy Birthday, Brent!

Yesterday, I met with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in about 20 years. I hate admitting I’m even old enough to say something like that, but Caroline and I were friends in our early high school years. We lived in the same apartment building. Both of us are only children, and both of us have Irish parents. Believe it or not, the way we found each other again was through the Classmates.com site. I’d registered there about three years ago and didn’t think about it again. Impulsively clicking on a banner ad one day recently, I saw that the list of people who’d signed up from my school had grown dramatically. Checking my year, I saw her name, but not having paid for the premium service, there was no way to contact one another. I surreptitiously put my email address in the comments section hoping she’d find it and, lo and behold, about a week later I received an email from her. We’re now rekindling a friendship that began long ago. God Bless the Internet!

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Happy Birthday, Brent!

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National Magazine Awards

Happy Birthday, Brad!
Now hurry up and get a web site so I can link to it.

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Happy Birthday, Brad!

Patricia Mary Barker McNally
March 25, 1944 – May 4, 1987

It seems strange, but I’m kind of happy about it. She brought me into the world and I helped her leave it. I knew when I got home from work that day that this would be it. She’d been home from the hospital just a few days and they had basically sent her home to die. So when I came home that night and looked at the faces of my aunts, I prepared myself the best I could.

She’d first noticed the swelling in her throat almost a year earlier. It made it hard to swallow, and she found it hard to speak. She said it felt like one side of her throat had closed off. Lots of tests later, they confirmed it was cancer. She’d been a smoker since she was about 9 years old, so it wasn’t surprising, but still she was only 42. I felt ashamed, somehow. I couldn’t tell my friends for weeks. I didn’t want to face their pity or their awkwardness. I wanted everything to stay the same.

After the first anxious weeks, when I thought she would die, things settled down as she began chemotherapy. It was awful when her hair fell out. My mother had long beautiful brown hair, which she often wore straight down her back. I’d brushed it often as a child, and now it was deserting her strand by strand. Now she was a “cancer patient.” She lost a frightening amount of weight, too. At the best of times, my mother weighed about 95 pounds. At the worst point in her illness, she slipped under 70. The rock of my life, this strong woman, looked like a concentration camp survivor. But survivor was better than the alternative, so after a while, we stopped talking as if she were sick. She got well enough that we almost forgot she was dying.

When the cancer came back, it was angry. It put her in hospital for weeks. She lost the ability to talk completely, which was the ultimate insult. My mother was a born talker, a yakker, a natterer, a raconteur. She loved to talk, and now she was silenced. That was when she began to seem dead to me. The funny thing was when she would try to write notes to everyone, no one could read her handwriting. At least it seems funny now. At the time, it was incredibly frustrating for her, and for us.

I was a few weeks from graduating from college, with all the accompanying stresses. There were essays to write, exams to sit. I muddled through. Mum was vehement in her insistence that I graduate. She also began to obsess about money, which was ironic. Mum had always been a careful budgeter, and when my parents separated, she was able to support us on what seemed like very little money. I’m sure she made many sacrifices for me. She communicated that she wanted me to withdraw all her money from the bank before she died, so that it wouldn’t be tied up (she’d had no will). I complied. She tried to keep everyone happy. I found out later that she’d accepted a proposal from her boyfriend while sick, which I suspect was an empty promise. She confided to me that she still loved my father.

The actual dying was hard. I mean it was physically hard work for her. It almost seemed that she went from labouring to breathe to eventually labouring not to breathe. I helped her change her mind about that. It felt strange but it felt right, urging her to let go. I am a Christian, and I believe that we do not die alone. I urged her to look into the darkness for a hand offered and to take it and not let go. Sadly, for her to do that she had to let go of my hand.

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Remembering Mum

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Happy Easter!

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Cozying Up To Incontinence

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It’s my birthday!

P.S. I’m well aware that this doesn’t hold a candle to the cat circus.

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Swan Lake

We had reservations for dinner at one of our favourite restaurants, Nothing In Common, which I’ve mentioned here before. I love the irony of the name and wanted to eat there before asking Brooke to spend the rest of her life with me. Although I thought of asking her at the restaurant, I changed my mind. It’s tiny, about 6 tables, and although I’m sure everyone would have been great, Brooke’s just not a public display sort of girl. So, I waited until we got back to her apartment. Earlier, I’d hid the ring in the place she’d never ever look. Because she lives in a bachelor, there’s only one big room and a bathroom. I had to wait about 45 minutes before she went to the bathroom. Then I crept into the kitchen, and turned on the little oven light. The blue box with the white ribbon was sitting inside. When she came out, she wondered why the oven light was on, and hey, what’s in there? Then I said, “This is the part where I get down on one knee…” and then I asked her, she said yes, and then we both went into shock for about two hours. Even though we’d talked about marriage, and our ideas for a wedding, she was still genuinely shocked. But now we’re both getting used to the idea and that’s nice.

Thank you to everyone who wished us well, either in a comment or by email, or in a more extravagant form (thanks, Six.)

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The Engagement Story

We’re in Collingwood for the Christmas holidays, staying with Brooke’s parents. I meant to post last night, but of course, got a bit distracted. Here’s wishing all of you a wonderful Christmas. I hope you’re enjoying time with family and loved ones.

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SHE SAID YES!!

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Sshh…

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Chris Ware and Daniel Clowes

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Canzine Pics

After returning around 1:30 am from that, we had to go to Kinko’s to photocopy some flyers for Cherrymag, which was due to launch the next day. We were gearing up for Canzine on Sunday, and had a lot of last minute work to do on the site as well. To make a long story short, we were up until 5 am working on it. And had to be ready by 10 am the next morning to set up at Canzine. We brought our new iBook as well as Brooke’s TV to hook it up to. Displaying the actual site on the TV looked too blurry, so I whipped up a cheesy presentation in AppleWorks and we were set.

Canzine was a roaring success, both for Cherrymag (live now!) and in general. The zine world (and by extension, Kinko’s) is alive and well in Canada, with over 150 exhibitors and a steady crush of people all day from just after noon until about 6, when things started to peter out. Brooke was tired, and her co-editor Jen was sick, but we all managed to get through the day and get the word out. We had candy, flyers, stickers, the iBook (and TV) and our sunny smiles working for us, and we managed to get about 40 names on our mailing list. The site, of course, still needs work (and writers–email Brooke if you’d like to help out). I’m going to post some pictures a bit later.

In the middle of all that, I managed to slip out for an hour to go to City Hall. There was a book (or rather, books) of condolences for Pierre Trudeau, and I wanted to sign. It was pretty impressive and moving. Lots and lots of people there, all day long. I waited in line about 30 minutes. A lot of families there with their kids, and a lot of different cultures represented (Trudeau was responsible for opening up Canada’s immigration policy and promoting multiculturalism). All the papers had tributes this weekend. I only read The Globe and Mail, but they had some really great photos from his time as Prime Minister, including lots of pictures of him with his sons. He was a really good father, and the death of his son Michel in an avalanche a couple of years ago really sapped his enthusiasm for life.

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Very Busy Weekend

Also, should mention I’m back at work today for the first time in over two weeks. The jury I was on deliberated for just under an hour yesterday before delivering a verdict of “Not Guilty” on all 40 charges brought against the four defendants. There was just not nearly enough evidence to determine what happened. I feel good about the job we did.

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SxSW, Here I Come!

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OK, SxSW…

Friday, April 14th 2000 04:30PM

I must be hopelessly in love with b. Of course, I am, but the evidence was never more damning than last night. I actually accompanied her to a, now brace yourself, to a Chris DeBurgh concert. GASP! I’ll let you laugh for a bit. ……….ok, that’s enough! Seriously, can’t say I was EVER a fan, and what does the guy do, but play for THREE HOURS!!! I mean, who does he think he is, Springsteen?! Oh well, I suppose I scored some points and maybe one day when I need company for a Pavement show, or Radiohead, or something, b. will have to sit beside me with the same pained expression on her face as I was wearing for three hours (and more) last night.

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Real Love